Champ of the bowl, no rail too high
King of the vert and no gap too wide
Present day: every step makes me wheeze
I crack all my decks ‘cause I am obese
Owned every spot and owned every trick
But now I’m too fat to skate
Knew how to shred and boned every chick
But now I’m too fat to skate
I am too fat to skate
The sky was the limit with the board under my feet
Kids stood in awe, I ruled the concrete
Today I’m a regular at Burger King
Gobbling twenty Whopper and ten buffalo wings
Feels like a million years ago
When I was a skater
What’s left is a sad fat dude
And chronic masturbator
Owned every spot and owned every trick
But now I’m too fat to skate
Knew how to shred and boned every chick
But now I’m too fat to skate
I am too fat to skate
I am too fat to skate